Hands Free Texting

The latest proposal from government in the Magic City allegedly has to do with a ban on text messages sent from public facilities. The same general public interest and safety concerns regarding possible accidents that can be caused by texting while driving, also apply in a public facility.

One public official described it this way, "Imagine the disaster that can be caused by a man texting while standing at a public urinal. A slip of the phone, a twist of the body, and hazardous bio materials could escape into the atmosphere."

The destruction of public property by phones falling into the "drink" while texting is a major budget issue. The cost of replacing these toilets destroyed by reckless texters runs into the thousands of dollars a day. The council is considering the ban at their next meeting.

The ordinance would establish a "potty patrol" that will visit many public restrooms in the city. Its unknown whether the lookouts will be permitted to site a patron while in a stall or if they will only be allowed to look for violations elsewhere.

The potty patrol will be funded by the last portion of stimulus money received by the city. While the project wasn't shovel ready at the time of the spending spree, it certainly is a perfect opportunity to create good paying jobs in the green and tech sectors of Billings economy. In addition, there were no more tunnels to be built under roads in the city.

Texting in public restrooms would subject the violator to a $50 fine on the first violation. First responders, police, fire, ham operators, government officials, ambulance drivers, and truckers will be exempt from the new rules.

The city indicated that hands free texting would be acceptable under the new ordinance. Residents can also pre-pay for the right to text in public restrooms at City Hall. The text pass, called the P-P-P, will be available for $50 for a years use.

Public hearings on the proposed ordinance will not be held, since government knows best.