Roses For Mama-2010

I don't remember when I read this story, but it was a LOONNNG time ago. Probably in an advice column like Anne Landers or Dear Abby. The column was probably the idea behind a long forgotten C.W. McCall song, "Roses For Mama".

The advice was this. When its your birthday, rather than getting presents, you should give flowers to your mom. Maybe its out of date in 2010. It seemed like a great idea at the time. The idea was one my younger brother relentlessly executed every single March 12.

March 12 would come along. There would be the flowers. And not just a small bouquet of flowers. A rose for every year of his life. That's a hefty bill in your 20's. In your 30's, well I could only imagine my brother saving his quarters to afford to give mom her flowers.

I was stuck with promising myself to remember to keep up. I was the oldest. I was the one that should set the example for my siblings. And I had 4 more flowers I needed to provide each year.

December was always a little more expensive time for flowers. There was the holiday of course. And Mom's birthday was a couple of days before Christmas, so the flowers got set aside as many times as they were bought and delivered.

Mom never seemed to mind. She wasn't a touchy, feely, huggy Mom anyway. And it all seemed OK.

Every year on December 1, I remember the flowers. There are a lot more than 30 these days.

I just wish she was still here so I could hand them to her.

I love you, Mom.

Now Hiring in Billings

Working with the public is hard. At the radio station, we get a degree of protection by being behind a microphone or telephone. Here's a story that I would NOT have believed if I had not seen it.

It was a fast food place in town. I think the owner of the company probably has all four of the local stores in his franchise agreement. As I went to the store for lunch, I noticed the "NOW HIRING" street sign. Place wasn't really busy. Unemployment being lower here in Montana as compared to other places in the country strikes me you are a little deeper in the employment pool than other places. Nothing prepared me for what was about to happen.


I've worked my share of fast food places growing up. Its a great place to learn human nature, and even make a buck or two. I even waited tables. (For a day--that work is just too damn hard). Minimum wage isn't the greatest thing to work for, but you signed on for that amount. To me, it means you agreed to do what was asked for that "rental" of your time.

Most of the people you find behind the register I believe want to do a good job. I could be wrong, maybe they just want a paycheck. The man behind the counter at this establishment fits the "give me a paycheck" type.

Here's the scene. Local fast food joint. First thing you notice is the lack of cleanliness. Chicken parts and leftovers on the floor. I think there was one clean table out of about 15. The tables had been cleared but not wiped. Ceiling with evidence of water damage. One electric socket coming out of the ceiling. If I owned the business, I'd be appalled, but hey I chose to eat there right?

On the register is a sign telling you who to call with a toll free number if you have a comment on the service or quality of the business. I had the chance to read the sign a number of times in the two minutes I stood behind the guest in front of me while we waited on someone, anyone to acknowledge our existance.

What follows is true as best I can remember. I've changed the names to protect the business and the employee.

Employee shuffling carelessly to the register. He stares at the customer. No words were exchanged. Finally the customer speaks.

Customer: "I'd like a (details redacted).

Employee: "what (type) would you like

Customer: "I'd like a (blank) Oh, and I'd like to use the coupon too. Can I exchange one of the sides for another product?

Employee: No

Customer: No? (confused) But they are the same price

Employee: No, we're not allowed to do that

Customer: So you'd rather have me unhappy than do something that's doesn't cost anymore?

Employee: Yes. So do you still want the (blank)

Customer: (annoyed) yes.

Employee: Do you want anything else?

Customer: I'll take a drink too

No repsonse from the employee.

Customer walks away leaving who I'm guessing was the husband to pay. Husband hands over a debit card. Employee does the transaction. Then as employee hands the paperwork back says,

Employee: Do you want a water cup with that?

Husband looking at the receipt: Didn't she say she wanted a drink?

Employee: yeah, but she didn't say a size so I didn't charge you for one.

Now that battle starts to escalate as wife wades back in.

Customer: Really? I didn't give you a size and you didn't ask. Really?

Employee: Now you don't have to get angry, I know its morning and every body is cranky but....

Mercifully, a manager comes to the rescue and solves the problem that common sense could have helped. One more part of the story. Remember that sign out in front of the store about "now hiring"? A young man in his mid 20's came in to get an application. Asked this employee if he could have one.

Employee: No. We don't have those here.

With this guy as a role model for employees, its a wonder the owner can stay in business.

Many happy returns

With the holiday season here, might be a good time to talk about refund policies. I know. I'm a guy. What could I possibly know about refund policies? Answer, I don't.

Like most guys, I take NOTHING back to the store. I mean nothing. If I was stupid enough to buy it and it doesn't fit or work like I want it to--that's my bad. I just throw it in that pile of stuff that will rot in the corner or trash dump. Or even worse, move with me to every single new place I move over the next 75 years.

Guys don't return things. Yes, I know its a waste of money, space, energy, time, etc. I'm not going to do it. I'd rather crawl on my bare belly through the snow at the Red Lodge ski area for a half mile than return something. Its just not...manly.

Fortunately, I have experience in watching people return vast quantities of stuff. Here in town, I know K-Mart has a pretty good consumer friendly return policy. I don't hear many complaints, although I'm sure there's always someone waiting. Wal-Mart is consistent. The lines are pretty long there. Remember when Wal-Mart used to brag about their "Made In The U.S.A" stuff. Don't see that anymore. I'd challenge you to find a product, other than maybe food, that IS made in the U.S.A. now. There probably are a couple, but Wal Mart sure doesn't talk about THAT anymore.

This article was about returns and not how much Chinese product is sold at Wal Mart.

Recently had a horrific experience at a local department store, that does not have Mart in its name. The "XXX" store had an item on sale. Somehow, the receipt for the item got lost. Local manager refused to return the item for the price paid. Even when the credit card statement could clearly show how much the item was and where it was purchased, they refused. You might not know this if you haven't worked retail, but every transaction can be pulled up by the store from your credit card statement. Its a matter of "want to".

In this case, the "XXX" department store didn't want to. They'd rather keep my money and have me go away mad.

They are within their rights as a business. They don't have to return my money just because I wanted it back. It struck me, that with Christmas just days away, that it might be worth a reminder to you to be aware of the return policies of where you shop. The item from "XXX" sits on the heap of things I foolishly bought and will never make another effort to return.

The cool part of the story? I have one less place to shop for stuff.

TSA--We Don't Care. No really. We don't

Its Thanksgiving week, and the busiest travel days of the year are upon our roads and air system. The noise caused by TSA enforcement of their arbitrary rules and possible protests are all over the news.

The jokes are rampant. The agents have gone from being recognized as protectors to attackers of American freedom. It is a tough time to be a Transportation Security Agent right now. The mandate is simple and difficult. Stop all potential attacks on our air travel system. The lawyers in our Congress have made the process even more difficult, with rules against about profiling. I know it might be possible that Grandma is carrying concealed weapons, and the baby might have explosives secreted in the diapers.



TSA is an agency designed to do one thing. Make us think we are secure so we aren't afraid. Its generally been more about the theater. Many Americans don't yet fear TSA, but they should. A cross word or frustrated action could keep you from your destination. Heck, it could put you on the "don't fly" list and really cramp what you want to do. The IRS takes your money. TSA can take away your freedom to travel the country.

The next logical step for TSA is easy to see.

Permission slips.

Yep, the kind of permission slips you used to get from mom to miss school, or from the doctor to let you go back to work. I remember the discussion in school years ago of how residents of the U.S.S.R. had to get government permission to travel from one part of their country to another. Its really one small step for TSA to make that a reality in our country.

If it seems far fetched to you, lets walk through the argument. Chances are, unless you are a business traveler, you buy your tickets well in advance. At the moment you buy, your name and destination are sent to TSA (heck it might happen now). There's probably two weeks for someone in the bureaucracy to determine where you might be going. There's already a program requiring your full name to buy tickets. Its one small step to include a "purpose" line on your online ticket buying effort.


I can see the next step in the TSA system working like this.

You decide you want to go somewhere. You log onto the TSA web site (not your "friendly" airline) and request permission to travel to your destination. Since your full name, full address, social security number, phone number and photo have already been logged into the system thru the "Secure Traveler Program" you are allowed to proceed. The TSA site presents you with possible carrier choices for your flight and times. When you make your purchase, you are asked the same kind of questions you would when entering a foreign country. Those responses are logged and added to your profile. You receive a tenative approval to buy your ticket, provided you pass a background check.

When you enter foreign countries now, you are generally asked what your purpose is, where you will be staying, for how long, and when you plan to return. In the name of safety for other air travelers, isn't it plausible to do the same type of questioning for continental travel? Of course government agents, elected officials, transportation workers would all be exempt as many are now from these rules.

Now you finally have received your official approval to fly, and arrive at your departure airport. You are asked the same questions at the airport by the TSA officer you were when you booked the flight. The officer has your answers on his Ipad, along with all of your profile from the TSA database. That profile contains ALL your aviation travel history. At this moment depending on what you say in the next 60 seconds, you get approval to board or not.

Last minute flyers may be out of luck or given a much more stringent questionaire to prove the need to travel.

Sound far fetched? The patdowns and scans of today were absolutely unimaginable just 15 years ago.

In the future, TSA may well be not just the organization that annoys and gropes you. They will be the agency that decides to allow you to get on the plane. You're now free to move about the country--once TSA says so.

They are pretty much that now.

Its the Christmas Parade!!

All right, I understand the idea of political correctness, religious freedom, and your right to believe what you believe, and think what you think.

I'm drawing a line in the concrete RIGHT NOW.

Downtown Billings Association has their 26th annual HOLIDAY parade the day after Thanksgiving. That's wrong. Its only the 2nd HOLIDAY parade. The 24 previous parades were Christmas Parades.

I appreciate there are people who have different views. I don't participate in Dia de Los Muertos or kwanzaa or Hanukkah. I'm not offended by people who do.

But lets cut out the attempts to please everyone. I'm calling it the Christmas Parade. You can call it what you want.

See you from the Cat Country van at the CHRISTMAS PARADE November 26th downtown.